Undeniable Love

I get it. I understand.  It makes sense.

People tell you that when you have children your heart grows so big you never thought it to be possible.

For some, it happens the instant their first child is born (and the same for the following children).
For others it may take a while.

For me, I loved my baby girl when she was born but didn't have "that feeling" and felt like a horrible Mom.  How could I not feel that way?  Wasn't I supposed to feel that way?  What in the H-E- double hockey sticks was wrong with me?!?!?!?!?!

I guess it takes a little bit of some challenging times to understand and truly feel that love.  My sweet adorable daughter has been a whine queen lately.

I put her down.  She whines.

I pick her up.  She whines.

I give her something. She whines.

I can't win and she whines.  It makes for a stressful hard day.  Especially when i have 2 other children vying for my time.  She is constantly in my lap or arms and the other two are fitting around/on me some how.

I am so anxious to put her down for naps/bed that I feel a tinge of guilt because of it, but at the same time I feel my shoulders standing up straight because that strain is no longer there...until tomorrow.

But then...THEN I go into her room a couple hours after she goes down to watch her sleep and hold her hand and in the midst of all of that, while still sleeping, she sits up and reaches for me.  I pick her up and take her to the chair and we rock.  Silently for a while, and then I sing to her.  And I cry.  Because I never knew I could love someone so much.  

And we rock some more.  Because I don't want this moment to end.  I don't want to be a part of another whiny day.  Because I want this sweet adorable daughter all day AND night.

But I know she will grow out of it.  And then there will be a new challenge.  And I will probably continue to rock her.  :)  I'm making my own version of Love you, Forever.

And my heart will grow bigger.  And bigger.  And I'll love her more than I could ever imagine.

  You never truly appreciate your parents' love for you until you have your own.

And eventually, you will get it.